I just wanna snake love to you

So I heard a good story over the weekend.

This woman had a boa for a pet, which she let roam around her house. Apparently the boa stopped eating and the woman wasn’t too sure why, so she took it to the vet. She was told not to worry, as boas don’t eat very much and it seemed in good health, but to come back if it continued to fast. It did – refusing all food she offered it. So she went back to the vet, who examined the boa again and was perplexed – it seemed perfectly healthy. The vet then asked if there were any behavioural changes. The owner said not really, other than the boa used to sleep curled up at the end of the bed, but now slept right next to her, perfectly stretched out, like a ruler, which was rather affectionate she thought. Errr, not so, explained the vet, as the fasting boa was in fact measuring itself against her - to see if she was small enough to eat.

EEK!

My window sill

Clearly a romantic hotspot. First squirrels, and - at 9am this morning - a couple of pigeons getting their coo on.

It's like the bikesheds of the urban animal world.

It happened one Halloween mwahaha...

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I suddenly heard this weird rhythmical squeaking noise coming from outside, somewhere in the vicinity of my bedroom window. It was getting more and more frantic, so – a little concerned – I approached the window, wondering whether I dared open it – perhaps a giant squawking bird would fly in and attack me! It is Halloween today, after all…

The squeaking continued, and showed no sign of ceasing… It got more and more frenzied, louder and louder, faster and faster… so, my heart thumping, I flung the window open! EEEK! I jumped out of my skin! Two indeterminate blurred shapes flew past my window and plunged towards the ground below. I heard one heavy thud, then another, milliseconds later. I peered outside. The mysterious dark forms were momentarily still, then darted away in separate directions.

At which point I realised I’d interrupted two squirrels shagging on my window sill. Indeed, having been cut short, one continued to rub himself across the ground as he scurried. (Well, I’m guessing it was a ‘him’, but I accept that this is prejudice on my part. Probably correct, but prejudice nonetheless.)

Nice.

The moral of this tale is, don’t go all ‘awwww they’re sooooo cute’ on squirrels. They’re destructive, lewd vermin. They’re just rats with better fashion sense, you know.

Why wikipedia is brilliant:

Advantages and disadvantages of jumpsuits

Advantages:

You never have to worry about how to combine your clothes, since the jumpsuit is the one piece of clothing you need.

Since jumpsuits have an unbroken line from the neck to the foot of the body, it gives a slimming impression which is flattering for most people's bodies.

It is possible to get in or out of a jumpsuit very quickly. Jumpsuits are usually comfortable.

If you fall backwards in the snow while you are wearing a ski jumpsuit, you won't get snow down the back of your pants.

Disadvantages:

As the jumpsuit has to fit the whole body, it has to be designed for the whole body. When choosing a shirt and pants, you can pick out the size that correctly fits your upper body, and another that fits your lower body, but with the jumpsuit you can't mix and match like that, and a poorly fitting jumpsuit is a problem because it can restrict your body movements. This makes it harder to pick out a good fitting jumpsuit off the rack.

A jumpsuit can be a problem when going to the bathroom.

Jumpsuits haven't really been in style since the early 1980s.

History Matters

So today, apparently, history matters:

This project encompasses some of my favourite things: doing something for the good of mankind, the internet and talking about myself in a most self-indulgent manner…Here’s what I wrote - don't I sound smug!?!

“I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home up to three times a week. I usually do that once a week, and today’s the day this week. My flatmate (who’s also a good friend) is working from home too, which means that we have been sitting around the table in the living room alternating between exchanging silly banter and actually getting some work done; writing letters in my case (I’m an adjudicator for an ombudsman service) and growling at an evil spreadsheet in his case (he works for the admin dept of an FE college). Whilst working from home might sound like a bit of a skive, it’s amazing how much more I get done here, compared to the office. Even my flatmate’s company is less of a distraction than the drone of office politics (and I say this even though I actually quite like my job and the people I work with!).

My mum phoned to chat about this or that (or ‘de tout et de rien’ as we say, she’s French, and that’s the language we speak). She announced that she’d spent the day having coffee with friends and planning the trip she and my dad are making to Japan – personally I can only dream that a) I’ll get early retirement like my parents and b) will ever have the funds to go to Japan.

I also spent some time on the internet. So much to read about, so much to waste time learning about... I am very pro the internet. I’m not much of a text message person, but send hundreds of emails, and love to mess around on MySpace (even though my conscience struggles with the fact that it’s owned by evil Rupert Murdoch) or YouTube...

Am attempting to eat well and live a healthy lifestyle, and almost managed it today – making myself a salade nicoise concoction for lunch. Then my flatmate announced he had leftover curry from a takeout he’d had last night, and there was an abundant amount still to be eaten. So I munched on a cold naan, and some veggie curries. Yum. Fortunately, I’ll redeem myself a bit later, when I go to my belly dancing class – it’s great fun and really makes me sweat the calories away.

After the class I intend to go for a drink with a university friend, who is house-hunting in my area of London. At the moment she lives South and I live North, so it’s a mission for us to meet up, even though we’re in the same city. Fingers crossed that she’ll move here, but it’s not certain – house hunting in London is difficult, stressful, and everywhere half decent is depressingly expensive - much like most aspects of life in London. Still, right now, I’d rather be nowhere else.”

Most apt advertising casting ever...

Kerry Katona does bingo.

Prize 8 Idiot

The other day on the DLR I overheard a man shouting into his mobile. He was clearly doing business, maybe chatting to a colleague, but certainly not chatting to a friend. He was describing the physical appearance of a woman the guy on the other end of the line needed to speak to in some office. He said "well I wouldn't call her slim, but you might. It depends on what you think of as slim. My wife's a size 8, your girlfriend might be a size 16. Do you see what I mean? I mean, I like anorexic birds, but you might like to slap the meat and ride the ripple." Then he chuckled and stated the obvious: "Yes I know, I'm a sick man."

You said it, you [fill in your own chain of expletives here].